Ah, snow :)

Here's a couple of pics from last week's not quite so epic yet still amazing snowshoe up Mt. Lincoln in Franconia Notch. I think it's safe to say that I'm addicted to snowshoeing, and that the mountains in the notch are becoming my favorites. I can't even begin to describe how amazing it is to drive 93 northbound and enter the notch, covered in snow, looking so forbidding and breathtaking. And then to hike up to the top and on a clear day have 80+ miles of visibility in all directions. I don't think I ever want to leave New Hampshire. Yesterday's adventure was to the top of Mt. Lafayette, but due to the below zero temperatures and even more brutal windchill, there are no photos. But next week's plan is to go back to the waterfalls pictured below, the Falling Waters Trail, and this time with fresh camera batteries. I don't think I'll ever get tired of the sight of water freezing in motion.

Ah, it's good to be bad ass...

Mt. Washington from the top of Mt. Lincoln. Mt. Washington is on
docket for the coming weeks I hope. And for those who know my story
I can tell you that I'll be coming down in daylight this time.

Epic Snowshoeing

In keeping with the title of my blog, I decided that I would try to share my snowshoeing adventure from yesterday. The only word my friend could used to describe it was epic, and while that's not a word I'll use lightly, I thought that it seemed perfect. Our adventure started small, neither of us being an experienced snowshoer. I've had mine for a year and until yesterday they never left my front yard. He hadn't been on snowshoes since he was 8. So, I picked an easy trail, we got some elevation and a great view of a lake up in the mountains. And then we got creative. Running off the high of achieving our goal so quickly, we decided that we should summit the mountain we'd been climbing. It was only another 1.5 miles, how bad could it be? Well, anyone who's hiked in New England will know the answer to that question. Whoever built these trails must have thought that the best way to get up to the top would be straight up, and as I've discovered on rainy hiking adventures, those trails usually follow water drainages. While this wasn't a problem in the winter, we instead had trails that were made even steeper by all the snow fall we've had and trails that would be mildly hairy and exciting in summer, became downright sketchy. But we were determined once we began, neither of us being the type to back down from a challenge, or listen to reason, apparently. Well, we made it, after several sections that required taking the snowshoes off and climbing precarious vertical snowfields, and as you might be able to tell from the picture, turned around to head down after the sun had set. Cloudy night, light snowfall, but thankfully warm, we had a great combination of luck, and my route finding ability by feel--on my butt, sliding down to cover ground more quickly--we made it down relatively quickly and safely. Lesson learned, next time pack a headlamp and stove, as well as extra layers just in case a night on the mountain becomes necessary. Luckily, we were both able to keep the panic at bay and even laugh as we slid down the mountain, using the distant snowmobile lights as our guide and have agreed to tackle another 4000 footer next weekend. At least this time, we'll be prepared. I do have to say though, I love the exquisite tiredness that follows days like that, and a plate of spaghetti becomes the most amazing thing ever. And surprisingly, I'm not sore. I guess I'm not that old after all :)

Update

The last couple weeks have been a whirlwind and I haven't really had the chance to think about my next post. I guess I should say first off that my visit to Beth Israel confirmed my gut reaction that I do not have cancer, and even better in the immediate sense, I don't need to have surgery any time soon. I do have what's known as a vascular malformation, a condition that I've had since birth where the blood vessels in my calf are essentially dilating and creating an expanded pocket of tissue. I'm not sure why it made itself known to me so suddenly, but I have my theories. In any case, I've been told to train at the level that I want, and we'll watch and see what happens. I'll have follow up MRIs every 3 to 6 months to track it's growth and some sort of surgical intervention is probably in my future, but hopefully only after I have better health coverage. It is still a tumor of sorts, and it does bother me, but if I don't have to have someone carve out my gastroc, I'll deal with the annoyance. So...half iron, here I come.

Brings me to this idea of new year's resolutions, which I don't generally believe in, but in observing my own behavior over the past two weeks, I guess on some level I do believe in that fresh start. I haven't exercised, other than skiing, over the holiday period. I've eaten poorly, slept even worse, and consumed more alcohol than I should have. I think initially I told myself that I was celebrating the news from Beth Israel. Then I was finishing up finals and then family was here for a week for Christmas. In truth, I think I needed a sloth period before the ramp up in intensity my life is about to take. I start class again tomorrow for my winter semester, and in less than a month I'll be 30. I'll get all the rest of my grad applications in and hopefully by early spring, I'll know where I'm off to next. Throw into those life changes some serious training, a couple of classes, a full time job, and the best damn winter New Hampshire's had in a while drawing me out to the slopes whenever possible and I can see the next months passing in a flash. So the last two weeks have been my calm before the storm, my chance to wallow a bit in my singleness before redefining my reality and truly embarking on a new life path.

In terms of training and races, my current plans are for the Rhode Island half iron in July, and the Vegas marathon in December. I'm working on convincing a friend that she really wants to do the Nike Women's marathon in San Francisco in October, but for me that all depends on how crazy PT school turns out to be. And while some of my friends enjoy great outdoor training weather all year round, I find myself grateful for inventions such as four wheel drive, fleece, tractors with plow attachments, and soon enough either treadmills or spikes on my running shoes. I've never seen this much snow before and it's fantastic, but it does tend to inhibit the training. I think snowshoeing will have to substitute.

(Sorry for the goofy ass placement of photos--still figuring out how this all works and clearly not there yet)

Good News and Bad News

I've been postponing this post hoping that it would contain only the good half of the title, but as I'm rapidly discovering, my life is very far out of my control right now. So the first bad news is that I waited too long to sign up for my half iron of choice, Timberman here in NH and unfortunately it oversold, so no waiting list. However, I did find another alternative in Rhode Island which, while it may not be as aesthetically pleasing, may in fact be better since it's flat :) I haven't signed up for that yet either for a number of reasons...

Now, the other good news...I've been dealing with a hip injury since January of 06 and while it's significantly better, it still bothers me. Having had poor to no health insurance for the last year, I've been left to apply my limited knowledge towards diagnosing and rehabing and finally decided this fall that I don't necessarily know what the hell I'm talking about. I took the fall off of running in the hopes that I would finally get better. No luck. However, I saw an orthopedic surgeon the other day and through talking to him, figured out that while I have a number of issues (including piriformis syndrome, some tendonitis, and possibly torn labral cartilage), none of them preclude running. I may piss of my hip, but I won't do any further damage. Now this is still our best guess because I'm in no position to pay for another MRI to clarify.

And the bad news. The purpose of my visit to the ortho was a strange mass that appeared in my left calf in June of 06 (bad year for my left leg). I've seen several doctors now, had x-rays, ultrasound, and MRI all to find out that I still don't know what it is. I know it's not what I'd hoped, a lipoma or simple fat deposit that was pushing on the surrounding muscle tissue. While all of the doctors so far feel that this mass is benign, no one will rule out the possibility of a malignant tumor. So Monday I head to Beth Israel Hospital in Boston to see a musculoskeletal oncologist for a contrast MRI, biopsy, and at some point, surgery and muscle resection. It's looking now like I might lose a good chunk of the medial head of my gastroc. I've been told I'll be able to run again but I may not be at the level I'm at now. Since I never quite attained the level I know I could, that news comes with so many layers of disappointment I can't even begin to talk about them now.

So that's where things stand for now. No half ironman until I figure out when surgery will take place and how long my rehab will be. And for now, I'm operating on my gut that tells me this is going to turn out to be completely benign and hope that that's not me living in denial.

So I've come to the conclusion that I'm an inherently lazy person who can't sit still. Or perhaps I'm really active at heart but I love to lounge? Either way, this contradiction presents itself when I discover that some part of me really wants to train, to become a better, stronger athlete, and yet I can't seem to shut the TV off. And I'm writing this in my super comfy Bowdoin sweatpants that I seem to live in these days, drinking a good beer and yet feeling completely twitchy and full of the energy I should have expended running today. I just can't seem to do it. I find all kinds of excuses, some of them valid, but the excuses are never enough to drown out the image I have of myself, or to dampen that feeling of exhileration I get when I finish a race. So what to do? How do I overcome this internal contradiction? I keep telling myself that after this or that random future event, then I'll buckle down and get serious. Why not now? The other day I found out that I may need surgery and rather than accepting it and prepping for it, my first thought was that the expense would keep me from doing my 1/2 Iron tri. Twisted, I know. You'd think that in itself would get me on the treadmill or in the pool, if the desire is that strong. Instead I feel stuck in limbo. Maybe it's denial that my body is letting me down--if I don't exercise, I won't notice. But when I don't train, I feel like I'm succumbing to weakness. Again with the contradiction. Anyway, thoughts for the night...

Winter Fun

Yet one more reason to love living in New Hampshire is the opportunity for new and interesting ways to cross train in my off season. Yesterday we got over a foot of snow so today after class I set off into the woods with my snowshoes. For those unfamiliar with it, snowshoeing is a hell of a lot harder than I thought it would be when I sold on the ads at the end of last winter. The trick for me is to remember that I'm not running and that therefore, there's no hurry. I tend to run quickly, even when I'm not in shape (which makes for some short, painful runs) and this inability to pace myself became evident as I started to fatigue about 4 minutes, or one song on my MP3 player, in. But once I got that relatively under control, cooled my body back down, and took time to look around me, it was amazing, and a pretty good workout, both uphill and down. So between that and shoveling up said foot + of snow yesterday, my body's worked harder than it has in a while.
The best part about the snowshoeing was that it allowed me think pretty clearly, something I haven't been able to do much of in the midst of school, work and applications for PT school. I've been thinking a lot about my motivation lately, a subject I seem to be obsessed with when it comes to training. I ran my first marathon without any motivation issues and since then I've struggled. I have discovered that every time my personal life feels unstable, my response is to pick a new race. Hence my thought of doing my first half ironman tri this summer. It's not that I just do these races, and train, to hide, or make myself feel stronger--I really do enjoy the activities, but I thought it was interesting what initiated the thought process. I seem to have this belief that if I get stronger physically and push myself to my physical limits and beyond, it will cease to matter to me that I'm about to be 30 and still single. It as if I can say that I'm not dating anyone because I'm too busy training, rather than admitting that maybe there's just no one out there for me. But perhaps all is not lost...as the old saying goes, "it" happens when you least expect it, so if I keep my life at this frenetic pace, I'll stop paying attention and just live.

First thoughts

Since this is my first official post, and my first attempt at blogging, I'll keep this brief and keep my fingers crossed that it works. I decided that since most of my friends have blogs about their babies, why not create one for myself about what's most important to me (which changes all the time). I love my friends' blogs and hope that this will serve a similar purpose--keep people informed and allow me share my thoughts. So here goes...