So I've come to the conclusion that I'm an inherently lazy person who can't sit still. Or perhaps I'm really active at heart but I love to lounge? Either way, this contradiction presents itself when I discover that some part of me really wants to train, to become a better, stronger athlete, and yet I can't seem to shut the TV off. And I'm writing this in my super comfy Bowdoin sweatpants that I seem to live in these days, drinking a good beer and yet feeling completely twitchy and full of the energy I should have expended running today. I just can't seem to do it. I find all kinds of excuses, some of them valid, but the excuses are never enough to drown out the image I have of myself, or to dampen that feeling of exhileration I get when I finish a race. So what to do? How do I overcome this internal contradiction? I keep telling myself that after this or that random future event, then I'll buckle down and get serious. Why not now? The other day I found out that I may need surgery and rather than accepting it and prepping for it, my first thought was that the expense would keep me from doing my 1/2 Iron tri. Twisted, I know. You'd think that in itself would get me on the treadmill or in the pool, if the desire is that strong. Instead I feel stuck in limbo. Maybe it's denial that my body is letting me down--if I don't exercise, I won't notice. But when I don't train, I feel like I'm succumbing to weakness. Again with the contradiction. Anyway, thoughts for the night...