Looong Overdue Update

Well, I'm not sure if any of my readers are still out there, perhaps hoping for an update from me so that they know I'm still alive and kicking, or if they've given up and moved on to more interesting blogs, but just in case, I'm finally ready to post...something...

I'm not sure where I left off this summer, probably something along the lines of being busy, overwhelmed, studying harder than I ever had...well, this semester has put all that to shame. So between that and some not so fun physical stuff, I haven't wanted to post. But today, in the midst of my 15 miler, I decided to come out of hiding. But it's been so long, I don't even know where to begin. Let's see, school is going well and I love what I'm learning, when I can pause long enough to appreciate it. In particular, I'm loving learning how to self diagnose and treat, although a little bit of knowledge can be very dangerous :)

In September, I did my one sprint tri of the season in Rhode Island, my first duplicated race. It was such a great opportunity to see if I'd really improved as an athlete over last year and I was very pleasantly surprised. I took about 9 minutes off my total time, spread out over all three events, and more importantly, was fully functional upon crossing the finish line. Last year, I was sore and tired for a couple of days and this time, I was up and literally running the next day. That rapid recovery was such a good feeling and really solidified that I have improved my overall strength and endurance. I think my half iron training has really transformed me. And even more, I'd been nursing an IT band injury along for all of August, so being able to complete the run at all, let alone in a new PR for me was great.

Aside from that race, I've just been concentrating on marathon training for Vegas, keeping my IT band under control, and working through a new flare up in pain in my left hip. Training has been going pretty well, I'm running as fast as I've ever run, but my hip pain has been keeping me held back. I finally went to see a PT about it this week and have been told that I have torn my labrum. For those who don't know what that is, it's a ring of cartilage that surrounds the hip socket and keeps the head of your femur in place. Once it has torn, your femur isn't held as securely and all of the muscles have to compensate to keep it where it needs to be. Thus explains the excessive cramping of my external rotators, adductors, and hamstrings when I run longer than 8 or 9 miles. I most likely tore it a few years ago when all of my troubles began and have been running on it ever since. In some ways, I'm relieved to hear this because I was starting to believe that this was all in my head or that perhaps I was not meant to be a runner biomechanically. I'm not crazy, always good news. The bad news, I may be doing damage to the bony surfaces and won't know until I get an MRI and a definitive diagnosis. If it is indeed torn, I'm not sure what will happen then, although I think surgery will be in the picture somewhere. It's also unclear what my future of running will be, and until I know for sure, I'm trying not to think about it. The way I see it, I've been going this long on the injury, what's one more marathon? I know, not smart, but if this is my last chance at this distance, I'm going for it, come hell or high water. I'm trying to let go of the idea of qualifying for Boston and focus simply on finishing (really frustrating considering I'm fast enough to qualify with my eyes closed).

Anyway, I'll try to keep up with these posts and give updates on my hip as I get details. In the meantime, I keep running. And if for some reason I get directed to no longer run distance, I'll become the best damn sprint distance triathlete I can.

How I roll

In the last three weeks, I've crammed more information about the human body into my head than I have in the past 10 years since I took my first Wilderness First Aid class, and thus far, we've only covered the trunk. My first exam was yesterday, so I enjoyed a well deserved day off, and of course, decided to do a triathlon. You see, after my first week or so of class during which I did no exercising whatsoever, I realized that lifestyle wasn't going to fly. I am at a decent fitness level and find that I only want to get better, and really believe that I can. But how to fit it all in when my priority is studying, and I'm a complete overachiever who won't settle for less than an A? Well, luckily I'm in school with some creative athletes who are inspiring me to make it work. So my training these days is a bit haphazard, but I'm getting it in. I bike to and from school every day, about 10 miles round trip. Not a great distance, but done every day, I get a minimum of 50 miles a week. There's also some great bike routes that head out of the city so on the weekends I've been fitting in a 25 or 30 mile ride. And to top it off, since my baby was stolen, I've purchased a city commuting bike, basically a hybrid. It's heavy, upright, and no clipless pedals, so my quads get some decent training in. As for running, one of my classmates is an insane runner, so once a week on our lunch break, she kicks my ass for 4 miles, giving me a great speed workout. And then another friend in school is training for her first 10K, so with her I get some nice, long slow distance in a few times a week. Thus far, I've managed to do some form of running or biking every day.

Swimming has been the tough part since I haven't been able to join a gym yet (although that will change this week)...hence the triathlon last night. I blogged about these free weekly tris that take place on the north shore of Boston and yesterday, to celebrate having a Thursday night off and exam one behind me, I drove up there, through weekend beach traffic, to do the race. The swim was short, 1/4 mile, and there were only 6 of us, but I was second out of the water, litterally on the tail of an Ironman (who I later confessed to that I'd given him the swim since I wasn't sure of the bike route). I beat everyone else out of the water by about 3 minutes. Not bad... The bike started great, despite the clunker I'm on these days and I would have maintained second, but I got lost and had to stop and wait. Oh well, it's a good thing these are just for fun. Unfortunately, one of those great New England summer storms blew in during the bike with winds strong enough to knock me over and fill my eyes with sand, so we skipped the run and grabbed some beers instead. The best part about it all was meeting some local triathletes and having someone who could really understand that part of my life. I was bummed to miss the run since it would have made for 4 days in a row of running, the most I've done in almost 2 years, but the tradeoff was ok too! Today was a planned day off to catch up on some work, nurse my hangover from late night dancing, and watch the Pops and fireworks in the city, but tomorrow I'll get my ass handed to me again by my fast classmate. All in all, I think I'm starting to make it really work as a student and endurance athlete. It's taking discipline of course, but I'm lucky to have motivation in the form of training partners again. In fact, I've rallied about 10 classmates to do a sprint tri in September.

In other news, I've officially registered for the Vegas marathon and am determined to qualify for Boston this year. And I've registered for a tri I did last fall. It was one I did well in, but know that I can do so much better. I'm psyched for the challenge, and now have plenty of reasons to get my training in.

Here's a couple pics from Mooseman. They aren't the greatest, but I think they capture the day pretty well. I parcticularly like the pensive wetsuit pose as I contemplated the hell I was about to do :)

Whirlwind

My thanks again to those who managed to plow through my recent post on the half, and sorry again for the length.

Life has gotten very crazy for me in the past week, as if it wasn't going full tilt prior. I started my gross anatomy class for grad school, so in addition to moving to Boston and meeting 42 new classmates, I'm now engrossed in the most academically rigorous class of my life and everything that I used to recognize as normal has completely disappeared, including training. I have been so pumped up post half to do another one, and went so far as to find one in Rhode Island in September, but since I now start studying at 6:30 in the morning and usually wrap up at 11pm, fitting in a workout has become almost impossible for me. I hope that once I settle into a routine I'll find the time again, but I know it will not be consistent, so I do believe that another half this year is off the table. I'm hopeful that I'll get some shorter distance races in because I think I could be so much stronger this year than I was last, but I'm not making any plans yet. At this point, my day consists of trying to remember if I've brushed my teeth, eaten, showered (post dissection, yes), and gotten all my work done.

Why do I bring all this up? Well, last week I finally got back in the saddle (literally and figuratively) but doing the swim portion of an unofficial mini-triathlon, a run around the river, and a really nice long ride, all last weekend, and I was fairly twitching with the excitement of the three sport race. I can't wait to do another race, to feel that rush of excitement, overwhelming nerves, and the thrill of the accomplishment as I cross the finish line. Even the mini tri I went to had me pumped and wishing I'd brought my bike and running shoes (I placed second in the swim, just behind a good friend from college who actually taught me how to swim--he wasn't pleased to see me catching up to him!). There's something about the tri that speaks to me. It's different from a marathon, and no less thrilling, but I think the tri is more for me. At least that's how I want to identify myself, as a triathlete...who also runs marathons. Maybe I feel the potential for improvement, or maybe it's really just a simple as the fun that I have in the race. Whatever the reason, I can't wait to get back out there, whenever it may happen.

On a final note, it's time for me to say goodbye to the general, the trusty touring bike that has carried my so many miles in the last 7 years. After nearly parting with him when I upgraded to my racing bike, I retired him to being my commuter bike here in Boston, a role he only filled a handful of times before some absolute wanker stole him off the bike rack at school. I'm bummed, and angry at this individual, and know that I won't see the bike again, but what gets me the most is that whoever took it will have no appreciation for what he and I have been through together. This thief will hop on the bike and discover the stretched chain and worn cogs, the brake handles that rattle and the handlebar wrapping that's peeling away and will most likely strip the bike of all that's valuable (pretty much just the seat) and leave the frame behind. It's not how I wanted that bike to be retired and that just saddens me. Additionally, my Mooseman water bottle, handed to me as I crossed the finish line and only obtained because I completely the race, is now in the hands of someone so less worthy. So to the general, goodbye, and thanks for all the miles.

Long Awaited Post...

Or maybe not...but to my few readers, it may be interesting. More for me though, it will be nice to go over the race in my mind now that a few days have passed. To be honest, I think the only reason I avoided a feeling of massive letdown post race was that I jumped right into school on Monday and moved officially to Boston. However, as a result of that, I haven't been able to think about the race, or my accomplishment, and that in itself is a bit of a letdown. Anyway, as I mentioned in my last post, the race went well overall and I was so proud of myself for finishing it. I wasn't sure in the immediate aftermath if I'd ever want to do another but now I know, I definitely do. In fact, I'm a bit antsy to get going and find one, but I probably need to figure out my school schedule first. But rest assured, there will be another one. Now, before I get into a report on the race, I need to say a special thank you to Scott and Rebecca DeWire for not only creating my training plan but for acting as great coaches along the way. I would not have been nearly as successful without their advice, support, and reminders that this was all supposed to be fun. You both were right, it was amazing. So here we go...

Final time: 6 hours, 14 minutes. I placed 406 overall out of over 700 athletes, and I believe 19th in my age group.
Swim: This was the leg I was least worried about right up until the morning of the race when I saw what 1.2 miles looked like stretched out. I got pretty nervous so decided to be conservative and put myself at the back of the pack, thinking that I wasn't as strong of a swimmer as I thought. This turned out to not be the best decision as almost immediately I was crawling all over people. I kept stopping to let the space open up a bit, but then I'd start swimming again and within two strokes, I'd be crawling up on people. I guess I'm stronger than I thought. I think I could easily shave some time off this event by positioning myself a bit better, and learning how to swim straighter! Practice... I got out of the water feeling a bit disoriented but fired up and in retrospect, I think I had more that I could have given to the effort. But now I know a bit more about pacing, so that's really positive.

Bike: I ran into the transition area, flopped on the carpet to have my wetsuit stripped (and pretty much giggled to whole time) and shoved a banana in my mouth. I had expected to take longer in my transition in order to get some calories in, but my shoes went on quickly and I was too pumped up to wait. And I felt great! It was such a rush when I ran my bike out of the area and heard my name announced. I booked it! A mile or so in, I remembered what the course had to offer and decided just to try to settle in and see what happened. At the base of the first real climb (and the worst one on the course), a woman was there dressed in a devil costume, blaring music from her van. I couldn't help but relax and smile. Again, the reminder that this was for fun. I dropped my gears down and began the climb, and to my surprise, passed every single person in front of me on the hill. I heard so much complaining, and people lamenting their lack of training and I was suddenly grateful for my hill training (despite my endless complaining along the way). That trend continued where I pretty much dominated on hills, but then on straightaways I would get passed again. So something to work on, keeping that pace going beyond the hill.
The bike was a two 28 mile loop course, and after an uneventful, wonderful feeling first lap, I cruised back by the race start and was again given such a boost by seeing my family and friends there cheering me on. The second lap felt much faster, although I believe it wasn't, and I met up with a woman who I had evidently passed on the swim (she was two heats ahead of me) and we proceeded to push each other--I'd pass her on hills, she's pass my on the straightaways, but for over 20 miles, we were in each other's sights. She was fantastic, really helped me to dig deep. Whoever she is, thank you!

Run: Again, my plan had been to take my time in transition, stretch, get some calories in me, and get on my merry way. Once again though, the adrenaline took over and I just wanted to keep going. I can't even describe how great it felt to know that I was 2/3 of the way through and I'd completed a 1.2 mile swim and 56 mile bike ride. I was so proud at that point and really felt strong. And then I started to run... I had expected the usual disembodied feel to my legs, and was fully prepared for the first few miles to be awkward and uncomfortable before settling into my pace, but I hadn't noticed during my ride that it had climbed to over 90 degrees outside. The run course had very little shade to speak of and even with water and sponge stations every mile or so, I was still hurting. Ordinarily, heat doesn't bother me too much, but two days before the race it had been in the 50's and raining. I had no acclimation time and even though I was hydrated, I just couldn't make myself keep going. I had moments on the run when I thought I couldn't finish, but I finally reasoned with myself that even if I walked the whole course, I was strong enough to finish. I have to say that my only disappointment with Sunday is that I couldn't run the whole course. I don't believe that this particular race really tested my abilities and I got a bit frustrated that I just couldn't keep my feet moving. But the weather was out of my control, and when I saw a woman get taken away in an ambulance for a heat related illness, I realized that my health was more important, and finishing the race on a stretcher was not what I had in mind. I have to give a special shout out to the race organizers (as well as the people who lived along the course) for having enough water (for drinking and dousing) to go around. I'm sure the weather caught everyone off guard and the 2007 Chicago Marathon kept playing in my mind in which all kinds of runners had heat related problems due to a lack of water. I've never run so wet, and my feet definitely blistered, but I wouldn't have been able to get through the course otherwise. So while I'd gone in expected to run at my slowest 9 minute miles, but more like 8:30, I ended up at a 10:15 pace (I guess that's what happens when you walk all the hills!), but I wasn't alone in that. Everyone who finished around me ran similar paces, and it wasn't until you got into the top 100 places that most people were putting out stronger performances. So I wasn't alone in my misery. I actually started talking to a guy at the end of my first lap (of 2) who was finishing up. We got chatting and really kept each other going (he'd give me shit when I stopped and vice versa). It was his first half iron as well and I hope he finished strong.

Well, that's probably more of an update than most people bargained for. I won't be offended if you don't read it all the way through, I just needed to relive at least one more time. I'm still in awe of the accomplishment and am looking forward to really seeing what I'm capable of at this distance. My friend Anna asked me what was harder, this or a marathon. It's a tough one. This one didn't leave me feeling as physically wiped, and I really haven't been sore at all. The half also keeps you from getting bored because of the variety, but I'd say overall, this race caused me to dig deeper than ever before, and really made me feel like a fantastic all around athlete.

Thanks to all of you for your support!!

Quick Note

It's done!  I'll write a real report later but I just had to say that it was awesome!  I don't know my time yet, somewhere in the neighborhood of 6 hours, which given the 95 degree temps and complete lack of shade on much of the run, I'm ok with.  But it was amazing and I'm really glad I did it.

Final moments

I have only a few minutes before I need to head out but I had to put this post up for myself more than anyone else, just to note how I'm feeling in the final lead up this morning.  I feel good.  Maybe not as fit as I'd like, but still ready somehow.  I was nervous yesterday right up until I checked in and then, despite the crowd of hardcore looking triathletes, I still felt up to this challenge.  I think it will be the hardest physical event for me to date, but I think I finally have the right perspective that time doesn't matter, I can finish this and that's what my goal has been since the very first time I got the idea to do this.  I need to periodically push the limits of my own expectations, abilities, and mental toughness and for the first time when one of these events is upon me, I know I'm ready for it.  I'm still nervous, but I'm sitting here, eating my eggs and toast, I've done yoga, and I've got classical music on my IPod to relax me and my overwhelming feeling is one of excitement.  I wanted to put this post up before I left because I have no idea how today is going to go.  The heat and humidity worry me a bit, as does the possibility of a thunderstorm.  My hip is always a concern and I know enough now when to push and when do listen to my body.  When I walk out the door in a few minutes, it's all unknown, but for the first time in a long time, that's ok.  Maybe that was the point of this all along.

Home Stretch

Three full days, plus tonight, and counting...and overall, I'm not nearly as nervous as I'd expected.  I did just spend 3 days in my new place in Boston, unpacking and exploring, so I've been able to keep myself distracted.  My only concern is that out of nowhere on Sunday, every time I took a step on my left foot, my sciatic nerve would be pinched.  A couple times it hurt enough to drop me to the ground.  Needless to say, I got a bit panicky and did not do any training on Sunday.  Or Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.  I'm still feeling twinges and really reluctant to push it.  I just really hope that I have what it takes on Sunday this week.  I'm not too worried about the heat predicted--I do well in heat and humidity and I believe the course is relatively shaded.  But I'm worried that the bike will aggravate my hip and I'll spend the entire run stretching out my hamstring.  It's hard to post a good run time when you have to stop and stretch every mile or so.  But, I'm hopeful that I'm stronger than I feel (and I now completely understand everyone who complains about tapering!) and that this week of doing nothing but yoga and hopefully some swimming tomorrow won't hurt me.  I'll admit I'm scared.  More often than not though I'm pretty excited to see what I can pull out and the fact that I've taken this much time off is honestly helping me relax and recognize that this isn't a competition, it's, to quote Scott, a hobby.  So I'm pretty pumped and will be excited to cross this off the life list.

Brrrr!!

All I can say right now is that I'm grateful for the choices I've made in my life that have gotten me to this point, a place where I can safely and comfortably say that 55 degree water really isn't that cold. And that the face-numbing chill, really isn't that bad. After 7 years of open water diving, it's also nice that putting on a wetsuit takes me significantly less time than the average individual. Oh those poor souls who've only been training in indoor, 80 degree pools...they're in for a rough morning in t-minus 9 days and counting. Of course, these are the same individuals who, following the shock of the cold water, will most likely proceed to blow me away on the bike, so my pity is limited. But yes, I'm now in the home stretch and to be perfectly honest, I'm looking forward to writing that post that says "I did it!" I'm generally able to keep my nerves at bay but I have moments where I actually think that I'm going to be competitive, and those moments are usually followed by outright panic. More often, I recognize that I'm doing this race at this point simply for bragging rights. When I get that perspective then I think it's no big deal and it will just be fun. I much prefer that latter state of mind. And to help that, I've probably taken more time off than is strictly reasonable, but I figure if I'm just not looking forward to a particular training session, at this point there's no need to push it. Maybe this is my body's way of telling me to take it easy. Who knows. But I took enough time off to enjoy my Vegas vacation, and yet stayed active enough to combat that sense of losing fitness due to tapering (which is unfortunately coinciding with a peak in my metabolism). I consider my Vegas week to be high and dry training so I ran a bunch in my second favorite running locale after Boston. There was no biking to be done however so now after over a week off the bike, my phobia of riding has returned and I find myself making excuses not to go. Not good, I know. But I'm a tough chick, I think I'll pull through. I'll find out one way or another in a little over a week. Eek!!
It's strange though that after all the training I've put in since February, I still don't feel like I think an Ironman (or half) should. I don't feel like I'm in the best shape of my life and I have to wonder if since my first marathon (when I did feel that way) I've just kept myself in better overall fitness, thereby raising the bar. In other words, I don't feel different because I'm just overall in better shape than I was three years ago before beginning my adventures as an endurance athlete. I hope that's the case anyway.

Beantown

This has been a big week for me.  Not only was it my biggest training week, I also had finals and on Wednesday, moved most of my stuff down to my new apartment in Boston.  In terms of training, it was definitely a week during which my real life took priority over all else.  But despite the challenges, I think I managed to get in a decent week of workouts.  Monday was my long brick, 60 miles on the bike followed by 7 running.  Tuesday I swam as much as I could in the time the pool was open and by Wednesday at 10, finals were behind me and I was loading up my car.  I had to take Wednesday off but on Thursday after moving my furniture up from Connecticut, I squeezed in a 20+ mile ride around the Charles.  And Friday, I was truly happy as I relived my first marathon training days by running the route around the Charles.  It's the first time in a while I've smiled while running, and I completed 13 miles before my body was done.  So in total, I only skimped on the biking, which considering the state of the path around the river, was probably the best for my bike.

Now for some details...I woke up on Monday feeling nervous, not for my anatomy final but for the brick that would follow.  In my mind, it was the equivalent of the 20 mile run in my marathon training--my greatest distance and the workout that most closely simulates race day.  I came home, did some yoga and decided to bite the bullet and just go for it.  I had thoughts that if necessary, I would short-change the run, knowing that no matter what, I would finish on race day.  I decided it was more important to feel strong and end still smiling.  As it turned out, I started the run, expecting to walk a bunch and instead, ran the full 7 miles, plus a little bit.  And I didn't walk once.  I also crossed a major psychological hurdle for me and did the full run without music.  I'm a big fan of running with my music and was nervous for the race day when I would be without it.  As I discovered, I think I ran better without it.  At least at a more consistent pace and although I didn't time it, it felt pretty fast.  The best part about it all--I wasn't sore at all the next day.

As for Boston, I found an apartment a few weeks back and decided to move my stuff in before heading out on vacation next week.  Only I would choose to try and fit all this stuff into one week.  Anyway, I explored and discovered that my apartment is only about 1.5 miles from the Charles and after spending so much time running up there when my mom used to live in Boston, I was so happy to get back to it.  It's a great, flat course that follows the river on the north and south with multiple loop options over the variety of bridges, the longest being a little over 17.  It goes from Charlestown to Newton and back in.  The best part about it is the multiple surface options--dirt, asphalt, concrete (yuck!) and it's mostly shaded.  And gorgeous, if you go for the Boston cityscape.  I love heading out on the north side, past Harvard, and then running back in on the south, past BU, running towards the Prudential Center, the Citgo sign, and the route 93 suspension bridge, watching the various crew teams practicing and the plethora of small sailboats on sunny days.  I absolutely love Boston and this path is by far my favorite place to run, better even than running along the beach in Huntington, California.  It's so invigorating, surrounded by runners of all shapes and sizes.  It's inspiring and as I was biking, I couldn't wait to get out running the next day.  One thing though, I don't think I'll be biking it again--too many damn runners!

My run provided my only real "issue" of the week.  I've noticed that the biking seems to aggravate my hip injury, particularly the long distances.  I feel my piriformis tensing up and when I get out on the run, my hamstring tightens down in response.  After the first few miles I find that I have to stop every mile or so to stretch and release those muscles.  It's frustrating because I'm as fast and as strong as I've ever been, but my pace gets slowed by the constant stopping.  I'm looking forward to being surrounded by physical therapists in a few weeks!  I got pretty frustrated along the run and had to work hard to convince myself that it didn't matter.  I have an injury and I'm strong and healthy and this is just how it is...for now.  

So overall, it's been a successful week.  I feel pretty good about the race, not finishing pretty but finishing strong.  I love my apartment and am looking forward to heading back down there in a couple weeks to settle in, and I'm now officially a grad student.  And for the next 3 weeks, I've got nothing to do but train well, rest up, and enjoy my last few weeks of peace before beginning my grueling doctorate.  

Finally

Yesterday, I finally had the type of workout that I've been waiting for...it was fun!  It was this week's brick, put off for hangover purposes and coming the day after accidentally running 10 miles, but it felt great.  I biked 40 and for about 20 of it, was just cruising, crouched down and remembering all the reasons that I love biking.  The run that followed was still awkward as hell, and I could have used some additional fuel, but I still ran 5 miles in just over 40 minutes, so I'm pretty impressed with myself.  Quite a change from last week.  But I did figure out a few more things about biking, and I guess the training is not just physical.  For instance, there are 27 gears for a reason.  I sometimes get so tired I forget to shift, or I wait too long out of some sense of shame in downshifting (no idea where that comes from).  Yesterday, I not only remembered that I had all these gears, and remembered that they actually all work on my new bike, I used them.  I decided that burning leg pain on the very first climb of the ride wasn't the smartest idea if I wanted to be able to ride 30, 40, or 50 miles more, plus tack on a run at the end.  This isn't a sprint, it's ok to slow down if it means saving something for the long haul.  I think it actually gave me a much better, more consistent overall pace yesterday, but I've also given up looking at the clock, so I don't know for sure.  I've also discovered that I can deal witht the wind...just downshift, keep your head down, and plug on through.  And the good thing about a headwind on an out and back ride is that unless there's some monumental shift in the weather, you'll have a tailwind coming home.  And as a final bonus, I rode most of the way up my street yesterday.  That may not sound like much, but I've been considering my street as the ultimate hill training portion of each ride and therefore not too concerned that I can't make it all the way.  You see, my street climbs 300 vertical feet in less than a tenth of a mile.  Using my rough trigonometry skills, that makes it just about a 25-30% grade above horizontal.  For perspective, the first time I rode up it I had a backpack full of books on...my front wheel came off the ground.  So when I can ride 80% of it before having to stop and let my body deliver oxygen to my quads, I feel pretty good.  

Things I've Learned

I intended to save this kind of a post for the end of my half iron journey, but in light of last week's panic, I think it's time to take stock of what I've gained from this adventure thus far. Besides, this was all that was going through my mind on today's ride.

1. Eating a banana on a bike is a lot harder than I thought it would be, but is a great, easily digestible snack that isn't energy gel.

2. After only 3 rides outside in the last week on my new bike, I can feel pretty comfortable saying that I'm getting stronger already.

3. I hit the panic button way too soon (see above).

4. Most drivers don't know how to handle a biker on the road, choosing to wait and follow, hoping for some engraved invitation to pass, prompting me to think that they're only staring at my ass.

5. I'm at the point where I can say that today I only rode 30 miles.

6. Despite these gains in biking strength, it remains my weakest link, an extremely surprising turn of events considering that until a year ago, I couldn't swim more than 3 or 4 lap without stopping for a break. I can comfortably and pretty easily swim a mile already.

7. After years of sprinting, I think I'm a full fledged distance runner. Friday's brick of 30/4, I averaged 7:55 per mile, without trying to.

8. The bike to run transition is quite possibly one of the most awkward sensations I've had athletically, topping every crazy yoga pose I know. There's just no other way to say it, it sucks! But it does go away after a mile or so and some stretching.

9. Two pomegranete martinis the night before a 40/5 brick isn't the wisest decision, hence the reason today was only 30 miles, followed by some physics, room cleaning, and hopefully, early to bed. I definitely lack willpower sometimes, but I'm learning to be flexible with my schedule and listen to my body. It's better to swap the brick for later in the week and avoid another bout of gastritis.

10. I may never be an Ironman triathlete, but I'm becoming more and more impressed with myself and my relatively late start at this event. And, I garner quite a bit of awe and respect from the kids I go to school with. I'm definitely the hot older woman...

Well, that's a partial list for now. Things have definitely improved since my last post. I've done a couple of "positive reinforcement rides", rides as flat as I can find, just to feel like I'm getting somewhere. And I've come up with a much better training strategy I think, one that should allow me to do some challenging rides and yet still feel accomplished. And, with a few minor adjustments (like my trusty old bike seat, the Liberator) and some actual fuel on the bike, I can do my 30 miles in about an hour and a half, which was where I'd hoped to be. I still have yet to really learn the lesson that this isn't, or shouldn't be, about time but more about the experience and the sense of accomplishment, but I'm getting there. I'm just way too competitive with myself. If I weren't, I probably wouldn't push myself so much and I still be working for the aquarium...

WTF???

I am officially terrified...and in way over my head. Or at least that's how I felt on my ride today. I had so hoped to make this post a triumphant recounting of an amazing ride that settled all my remaining anxieties about this race. I intended to give a proper retirement post to my trusty old touring bike, the General and introduce my younger, sexier bike to the world. Instead, I finished my ride in near tears, white faced and on the phone to my mom, hoping she could make it all better. I had such a run of good luck last week--a scholarship from MGH, a great apartment in Boston that's mine as of today, and finally taking possesion of my new Trek, outfitted with all that I thought I'd need to make the biking portion of this endeavor more manageable. I guess I was a bit unrealistic in my expectations. The bike is great, and light and quiet and new and shiny...all those things. But it also required me to stop 4 times to readjust the seat, only to find that the stem is still just a bit too long and whatever was wrong with my seat positioning, it caused my feet to go numb. Do you know how hard it is to ride 40+ miles with numb feet? But still, I was being patient with it all, accepting that it was my first ride on my new bike and it would take time. In the end, I find myself back at home, once again rationalizing all the reasons why my ride wasn't as great as I thought it should be--wind, frost heaves and potholes, crazy climbs, not enough food with me. What I realize now though is that this is just how it is. My ride will be filled with hills, frost heaves and potholes, and wind...all I can do is work with it. But I'm so terrified that I won't be able to do this. I mean, I know I'll finish, but I set the bar so high for myself and it's hard to accept that I might not be the badass that I thought I was. And I don't expect anyone to really understand, but while the rest of my friends are getting married, having babies, buying houses, I'm trying to train and prove that I'm more than I used to believe I was. I'm making life choices that might not make sense to people, but my life has brought me here and I have to go with it. I guess I'm just trying to find the words to express why I'm being so hard on myself, why I'm so scared and I'm coming up short. But I am nothing if not resilient, so on the plus side, I finished my ride and within minutes, felt that I could go out and run, so I suppose my recovery time is improving. And with a little bit of extra glucose and nutrients, I would probably not have felt so weak and pathetic at the end. And, I managed to use my aero bars a bunch and once I got comfortable with the relative instability, really loved that position.



I did manage to ride the rest of my race route today, so now I've seen all of it, including where I'll be running. At first I was psyched, riding this road along the lake. Outside of the wind coming off the water, the ride was great. The road had gentle hills and the view was amazing. But then, it started to get bumpy. Really bumpy. The view could no longer distract me as I rode along, bumping, thumping, losing power to the road, wondering what all this bumping was doing to sensitive parts of my body that, should I ever find myself in a relationship again, I'd like to still have fully functional. And then I saw the sign, "Frost Heaves". Well, what the f- had I been riding on?? How much worse could it get? Fortunately for me, frost heave signs up here are about as informative as deer or moose crossing signs--they're everywhere and there's no guarantee that they mean anything. What would have been more helpful would have been a sign saying "Big ass climb approaching, eat your gu now." Too bad...I'm starting to go along well again, the road is smoothing out, and then... f#*k me! Sorry for the expletives, but that's what was going through my mind. I believe I actually said it out loud as well. Ok, low gear, switch back up the road, hope that no cars are coming, and hope like hell that there's a sweet downhill on the other side. To be honest though, the ride was really ok outside of that stretch of road and I should take comfort in the fact that in the entire route, there's only that one nasty climb and the rest of the roads may have actually been paved in my lifetime. And in one of my more lucid moments on the ride, I managed to have the thought that if there was no challenge, then this race wouldn't be worth doing. I later laughed at my naivete as my blood sugar bottomed out...

My sweet new ride...we have a love hate relationship thus far

And one final positive note...the lake has finally thawed out. Progress, in slow increments, is progress nonetheless.

Road to Recovery

Well, it's been an unpleasant week, but I do believe I've turned a corner. Thank you to those who encouraged me to rest since I'm not good at doing that without help. Although this week even if I'd wanted to, there would have been no way I could push myself. I'm a little nervous about the lost time but I recognize that it was mostly out of my control and I can only move forward. I say mostly since I did figure out my own culpability in the sudden onset. A week ago it was still classic spring here--upper 40s, low 50s for the most part. I was expecting the gradual build up to warmer temperatures that we usually get so I guess I could say I was caught a little unprepared when on Friday I did my brick and it was 80. That night at work I drank 2 liters of water and could have easily downed more. Saturday morning I biked to work, hydrated fairly well, and then biked 32 miles after work. Then I got dumb and drank no water but mojitos instead (it was summery!). I think the combination was more than my body could handle so from this point forward I will make a more concerted effort to hydrate well (as soon as I can drink water again) and avoid those things that my body clearly doesn't like (alcohol, coffee, :( ). But luckily for me between the race entrance fee, the new bike, the new wetsuit and after today, the new bike shoes and cleats, I will have spent about $1000 on this quest, and as I'm unemployed for the next three years, that's much more impressive, and scary. And I'm so cheap, I'll get my ass to the starting line no matter what it takes. So for today, one more day of taking easy, doing some yoga and hopefully eating and drinking more normally, and then tomorrow, on the road again.

And one final note, the real benefit to this sudden burst of heat and summer--perhaps the lake my tri is on will be thawed by June 8th. I rode past it for the first time on Saturday and was psyched to find that the roads were pretty mellow, not to bumpy with frost heaves, and the lake was beautiful...but a little odd looking. And then I realized, 80 degrees and still frozen. Like 90% covered with ice. It's going to be a cold swim!

Small setback

After a great week of training last week, I was really looking forward to this week, my cutback week. I was ready for it, a week of slightly lower mileages gearing up for the big push to the finish. Apparently, my body was looking forward to this week as well...to get sick. I haven't been pushing myself that hard and I don't think that this is a symptom of overtraining at all, but it's a bit frustrating at this stage. I had a great ride on Saturday afternoon that I unfortunately followed with dinner and drinks out (and none of those drinks included water). I had hoped that when I was feeling bad all day Sunday that it was just due to that. No such luck unfortunately. It's Tuesday and my stomach is still grumpy with me and I don't know how much more ginger ale and dilute gatorade I can take. The really tough part is that outside of my stomach, I feel great. Yesterday I felt a lot of fatigue in my legs so I decided that after swimming, a day off was what I needed, but today, if it weren't for the bumping and jarring, I'd love to go for a run. It's really hard for me to listen to my body but I'm trying. And I'm also trying not to panic about how much time I'm losing this week. I know it's a cutback week but I still don't want to lose my momentum, particularly on the bike. But I know that getting worked up won't make me feel better any faster so I'm trying to utilize this as a good recovery, and hope that if I can get in one good ride and run this week, it won't be a total loss. Saltines anyone?

Wind season?

I've long heard that spring in New Hampshire is known by less enticing names such as mud season, or frost heave season, but I've decided that a third alternative should be introduced, the season of eternal headwinds. Now I'm no stranger to head winds. I biked from Seattle to San Fran in 2000 and despite my father's prediction that I would go fast since going south means all down hill, I discovered that coastal biking=head winds. But in those days, I was riding with 75 pounds of gear and 10 kids in tow, so speed was not my goal, simply arriving at camp intact and with all accounted for was enough. Since those days of touring, I've obviously gone to just road riding, and lately, racing...on a touring bike. Again, hasn't been something too bad. I love my bike and I haven't ridden enough to really worry about it. Well, after last week's successful return to outdoor running, I decided I was done with the stationary bikes (especially since they're in the gym and I am restricted to 30 minutes) and headed back outside. I knew there would be hills, I even expected some wind. I tried not to be concerned about time (but let's face it, we're all competitive with ourselves) and I was overall enjoying the sunny, 60 degree day. But let me just tell you, in a 30 mile bike ride that went south, west, north, east, then south again, I had a head wind the entire time. I had wind strong enough to stop me, to tilt my bike in the opposite direction I was leaning, and I arrived home absolutely beat. After consulting my coaches and rationalizing with myself that it was my first outdoor ride on a touring bike on roads covered in frost heaves and several significant climbs, I'd really done well. Ok, so I moved on, finished up my week, rested this weekend, and today tackled the outdoor run again. And again, discovered that just because you're running uphill into the wind it does not mean than when you turn around 180 degrees to head home that the wind will be at your back. My hope is that this wind is all caused by increasing temperatures and melting snow creating these crazy convection currents. If that's the case, we're almost in the clear. If not, I will be so diesel by the end of my training :)

One last quick note from today's run, a frustration of sorts. I can't burp, I've never been able to really, at least not voluntarily. This is a fact that my mother loves to tease me about since all of our relatives pride themselves on the strength and depth of their bodily functions. She thinks I'm not really part of the family. It was never an issue until today when about 3 miles into the run, all I wanted to do was burp. I was doubled over in pain from the air trapped inside and even in my greatest desperation, I could barely summon some relief. Maybe my mom is right and I'm some wierd, repressed version of a Newton. Too bad for me, it meant a very uncomfortable run that otherwise was feeling amazing. Note to self...no more jambalaya...

Triumphant return :)

Today I tackled the great outdoors and from all accounts, I won. It was my first run outside since December--the first time I could see over snowbanks, not have to run through slush, and not have to dress for the arctic. I was oddly nervous to head back outside but since I am a true nature girl, even I couldn't let my apprehension keep me inside on day like this (it's almost 60!). My apprehensions aren't that unusual I guess. Treadmills are safe and I can stop any time, they're springy so they go easy on my training legs, and most importantly, there are only hills if I want them. Anyone who's been to visit me knows I live in the foothills of the White Mountains so there is little flat to be had. And hills have always been my nemesis. Today I discovered that two months of training on a treadmill and a stationary bike have done something for me after all. I ran about 5.5 miles at an average pace of 8:27 and kicked ass on the one major climb I had. I even battled through a headwind, and ended up back at my car still smiling. I may not have been as light on my feet as I once was but I know I've also had far worse runs. All in all, a successful and positively reinforcing workout. And I got a congrats from Lance Armstrong at the end--gotta love Nike + iPod :)

Slacker!

It was recently pointed out to me just how much of a slacker I've been with this blog. I guess that's a good sign that at least one person is reading it :) But I was trying to figure out why it seems so difficult for me to sit down and do this. Is it that I think no one's reading? Well, that shouldn't matter, it's supposed to be a way for me to organize my thoughts. Is it that nothing's happened? Well, no there as well. I've been training and skiing and gearing up to move to Boston. I also can't claim that I've been too busy since I don't really work anymore and my classes are a joke. Is the answer that I'm just lazy? I doubt that. What I came up with is that every time I feel inspired to share what I'm thinking, it's when I'm running. Or swimming. Or biking. But typically while running, I feel the most inspired, the most creative, and the most in control of my life (I obviously only want to share the good parts). Problem is, by the time I get home from a day of class, work, training, get my shower and some dinner, I've generally forgotten what sounded so inspiring in my mind and anything else I come up with sounds contrived. What I take to be the good news for me here though is that for a long time now, running has not been fun. It's been a struggle to get ready, a struggle to get warmed up, and even while I was out, I felt very little joy. That's really disappointed me since running used to clear everything up. But I think I've finally come back to a place where not only does my body need to run, it wants to. The other day I found myself trying to talk myself out of running because I didn't feel %100, instead of the other way around. I think that's a step in the right direction.
There's also been a little bit of difficulty for me deciding what to write. I think it's awfully boring to use this as my training log, recapping numbers and mileage and times from the week. Who wants to read that? On the other hand, I tend to be way overanalytical and that's no fun either! Instead, I've tossed around blog ideas such as "thank god for the existence of energy gels" and "it's all downhill after spring break". But again, those ideas were strong while I was running and faded quickly afterwards. If only there was a way to record my thoughts...Anyway, as an update for those few out there who might have added this to their blogs to be read list, classes are winding down up here and despite myself, I'm going to miss it. Maybe I'll just miss living here, but I think some people made an impression on me and that's always hard to say goodbye to. Training is going well although the magnitude of this decision is beginning to weigh on me (can I really do a 1/2 Iron??). I bought a tri wetsuit and I'm getting a road bike, so I'll no longer be the outcast in the transition area. And I'm getting psyched to move to Boston, although that too has it's daunting aspects (but I'll save that for another post...)

When words just aren't enough...

This blog is turning out to be more a record of this crazy winter than I had originally intended, but the snow is so much more interesting to me than my training thus far. And since I'm technically still in my pre-training, there really isn't much to talk about, unless you want to be bored by details of laps, treadmills, and stationary bikes. I will say that I'm gaining strength and endurance faster than I'd thought I would and for the most part, I've really enjoyed my runs. It's a nice change from how I've spent most of the last two years, dreading my runs and yet still pushing myself to go. Maybe all the time off I took this fall, or the cross training that's finally taking care of my injury, has been the secret. Whatever the case, I feel good and strong and happy to be running again so I'm grateful. I'm still reluctant to make the switch to roads. It's a psychological block I know, but the treadmill feels safe and secure for now and I suppose as long as the roads look like they do, I'm probably better off inside. When I do head back outside to hills and all else that comes along with roads, then maybe I'll have more to talk about.

However, the purpose of this post was to share some more photos of my crazy winter since words have failed me in my attempts to catalogue just how much snow we have. Here's a few of what you can still see of my house...

The little sliver of window to the far right is all that is left of our kitchen window

And then one with me thrown in, just for perspective...


And in other news, I'm going to MGH Institute of Health Professions starting in June for my PT degree. I'm moving to Boston in May. I'm sad to be leaving New Hampshire. I've really grown to love it up here, the slow pace of life and small scale that I exist in, but I know that Boston will be fantastic. It's time to get back to my adult life :) But I will claim from now on that this is where I'm from!

Thoughts on a winter evening

Maybe it's because I've been working towards this goal for so long, giving it more committment than I've shown school in a very long time, but now that I've been accepted to my first two choices, I almost feel like it's not enough. I can do more, it should have been harder...as if perhaps I think that because I got in, it can't really be that tough. It's too bad, I was so convinced for weeks, well months, that my chances of getting into school for physical therapy were slim after my random career path and when I got my first acceptance, and then my acceptance to my first choice, I don't remember the last time I've felt so ecstatic. Maybe it's the letdown that comes after every event we look forward to and work towards--all that and now it's over, so what do I focus on now? I know, I know, this half iron I signed up for. I guess I need a few days to wrap my mind around yet one more change in my life, even though this is a change I actually wanted. I guess I've finally become settled into a life, for the first time in years, and it's good. But I knew it was temporary. And it's not over yet, but I feel myself wanting to dig my heels in and slow time down, hold on to this winter for as long as possible. And yet at the end of it comes my own place again, and a life in Boston near so many of my greatest friends. I guess this is just me being contemplative, and perhaps a bit overanalytical...as usual. I need to refocus those energies into training as I seem to have lost a bit of momentum in the wake of my acceptance letters. After all those months of living in suspense, I'm exhausted...

It's official, part 2

As of yesterday, I've been accepted to my first choice program for PT and it looks like I'm moving to Boston at the end of May! Luckily my half iron is the day before school starts...nothing like a strong first impression :)

It's Official...

I can't believe how long it's been since my last post. I think this blog is turning out to be a bit like writing in my journal, a really good idea but one that just never seems to get played out. But I wanted to post a couple of big changes since my last post, a month filled with turning 30, snowstorms, snowshoeing, skiing, more snowstorms, and starting my spring semester. I have been accepted to two out of six of my grad schools thus far so I will officially be going to school for physical therapy. I'll post on the topic again when I've determined where exactly I'll be, a moment I'm anxious, excited, and scared to death for. But in other news, more in the lines of why I started this blog in the first place, I've signed up for my first half ironman triathlon. Gulp... Still not sure about this, but I hate to waste money so I'm committed, barring any injury or other major setback. I'll be competing in the Mooseman Tri here in New Hampshire, about 1/2 hour away in Bristol. The race date is Sunday June 8, a date that isn't as far away as I might hope considering the feet of snow that need to go away before then to allow me to train somewhere other than a treadmill and stationary bike. And not nearly enough time to allow the water to rise much above freezing. Wetsuits anyone? But with this race, I'll have it and my training behind me before I dive into gross anatomy this summer and I'll be able to focus 100% on school and settling into either Boston or Portland. So I've started my pretraining, the very gracious allowance that my coaches made to my laziness over the holidays. I've been feeling strong though, considering I've gone from 0-60 so to speak, and in addition to my swim, bike, run, weight training, I'm also squeezing in skiing, snowshoeing, and kung fu lessons. I'm tired, but feeling stronger already and am hopeful that I can not only stick to my training plan, but dominate in the race. Wish me luck!

Ah, snow :)

Here's a couple of pics from last week's not quite so epic yet still amazing snowshoe up Mt. Lincoln in Franconia Notch. I think it's safe to say that I'm addicted to snowshoeing, and that the mountains in the notch are becoming my favorites. I can't even begin to describe how amazing it is to drive 93 northbound and enter the notch, covered in snow, looking so forbidding and breathtaking. And then to hike up to the top and on a clear day have 80+ miles of visibility in all directions. I don't think I ever want to leave New Hampshire. Yesterday's adventure was to the top of Mt. Lafayette, but due to the below zero temperatures and even more brutal windchill, there are no photos. But next week's plan is to go back to the waterfalls pictured below, the Falling Waters Trail, and this time with fresh camera batteries. I don't think I'll ever get tired of the sight of water freezing in motion.

Ah, it's good to be bad ass...

Mt. Washington from the top of Mt. Lincoln. Mt. Washington is on
docket for the coming weeks I hope. And for those who know my story
I can tell you that I'll be coming down in daylight this time.

Epic Snowshoeing

In keeping with the title of my blog, I decided that I would try to share my snowshoeing adventure from yesterday. The only word my friend could used to describe it was epic, and while that's not a word I'll use lightly, I thought that it seemed perfect. Our adventure started small, neither of us being an experienced snowshoer. I've had mine for a year and until yesterday they never left my front yard. He hadn't been on snowshoes since he was 8. So, I picked an easy trail, we got some elevation and a great view of a lake up in the mountains. And then we got creative. Running off the high of achieving our goal so quickly, we decided that we should summit the mountain we'd been climbing. It was only another 1.5 miles, how bad could it be? Well, anyone who's hiked in New England will know the answer to that question. Whoever built these trails must have thought that the best way to get up to the top would be straight up, and as I've discovered on rainy hiking adventures, those trails usually follow water drainages. While this wasn't a problem in the winter, we instead had trails that were made even steeper by all the snow fall we've had and trails that would be mildly hairy and exciting in summer, became downright sketchy. But we were determined once we began, neither of us being the type to back down from a challenge, or listen to reason, apparently. Well, we made it, after several sections that required taking the snowshoes off and climbing precarious vertical snowfields, and as you might be able to tell from the picture, turned around to head down after the sun had set. Cloudy night, light snowfall, but thankfully warm, we had a great combination of luck, and my route finding ability by feel--on my butt, sliding down to cover ground more quickly--we made it down relatively quickly and safely. Lesson learned, next time pack a headlamp and stove, as well as extra layers just in case a night on the mountain becomes necessary. Luckily, we were both able to keep the panic at bay and even laugh as we slid down the mountain, using the distant snowmobile lights as our guide and have agreed to tackle another 4000 footer next weekend. At least this time, we'll be prepared. I do have to say though, I love the exquisite tiredness that follows days like that, and a plate of spaghetti becomes the most amazing thing ever. And surprisingly, I'm not sore. I guess I'm not that old after all :)

Update

The last couple weeks have been a whirlwind and I haven't really had the chance to think about my next post. I guess I should say first off that my visit to Beth Israel confirmed my gut reaction that I do not have cancer, and even better in the immediate sense, I don't need to have surgery any time soon. I do have what's known as a vascular malformation, a condition that I've had since birth where the blood vessels in my calf are essentially dilating and creating an expanded pocket of tissue. I'm not sure why it made itself known to me so suddenly, but I have my theories. In any case, I've been told to train at the level that I want, and we'll watch and see what happens. I'll have follow up MRIs every 3 to 6 months to track it's growth and some sort of surgical intervention is probably in my future, but hopefully only after I have better health coverage. It is still a tumor of sorts, and it does bother me, but if I don't have to have someone carve out my gastroc, I'll deal with the annoyance. So...half iron, here I come.

Brings me to this idea of new year's resolutions, which I don't generally believe in, but in observing my own behavior over the past two weeks, I guess on some level I do believe in that fresh start. I haven't exercised, other than skiing, over the holiday period. I've eaten poorly, slept even worse, and consumed more alcohol than I should have. I think initially I told myself that I was celebrating the news from Beth Israel. Then I was finishing up finals and then family was here for a week for Christmas. In truth, I think I needed a sloth period before the ramp up in intensity my life is about to take. I start class again tomorrow for my winter semester, and in less than a month I'll be 30. I'll get all the rest of my grad applications in and hopefully by early spring, I'll know where I'm off to next. Throw into those life changes some serious training, a couple of classes, a full time job, and the best damn winter New Hampshire's had in a while drawing me out to the slopes whenever possible and I can see the next months passing in a flash. So the last two weeks have been my calm before the storm, my chance to wallow a bit in my singleness before redefining my reality and truly embarking on a new life path.

In terms of training and races, my current plans are for the Rhode Island half iron in July, and the Vegas marathon in December. I'm working on convincing a friend that she really wants to do the Nike Women's marathon in San Francisco in October, but for me that all depends on how crazy PT school turns out to be. And while some of my friends enjoy great outdoor training weather all year round, I find myself grateful for inventions such as four wheel drive, fleece, tractors with plow attachments, and soon enough either treadmills or spikes on my running shoes. I've never seen this much snow before and it's fantastic, but it does tend to inhibit the training. I think snowshoeing will have to substitute.

(Sorry for the goofy ass placement of photos--still figuring out how this all works and clearly not there yet)